


Tiny Smaug and Bilbo

by Sheneya



Category: The Hobbit, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, Implied Relationships, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 01:44:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1208215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheneya/pseuds/Sheneya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fill for this Prompt on Livejournal  http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/10731.html?thread=22360811#t22360811</p><p>I found this post on tumblr: http://slywyn.tumblr.com/post/76642105785/smaug</p><p>That's the prompt, basically. Bilbo taking care of a tiny Smaug who behaves like to most spoiled cat. Filler can take it anywhere, but a few possible directions are:</p><p>1)an always-cat-sized Smaug tries to claim Erebor. Only instead of fire and death, all the dwarves have to contend with this pest that hisses tiny flames at anyone who gets too close to his gold-nest. Bilbo is in Erebor for (insert reason) and somehow turns out to be an excellent dragon wrangler</p><p>2)Something turned normal Smaug into his tiny form (maybe the arkenstone is sentient and cursed Smaug?) but even though he's too small to do much damage, he's still nearly unkillable. He latches on to Bilbo, who is the most sympathetic to his weakened form</p><p>though again, to be clear, those are only ideas. Literally the only thing really important to me here is Bilbo taking care of a cat-like Smaug. BONUS: include a scene of that third picture (where Bilbo is clipping Smaug's claws)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

Thorin had always assumed that a dragon attack would be a huge hurricane of scales and fire, ending in mass death and destruction, So when he heard slight clinking sounds from inside the treasury, He thought it was just his gold sick grandfather fondling his jewels again.

Not Like That!

At least until said grandfather came hurrying around the corner opposite from where he'd heard the sounds coming from.

Unfortunately, he had no way of keeping his obsessed King from rushing into the treasure room, all he could do was hurry after him, sword halfway drawn to face whatever peril may lay inside.

His first peril, however was not what was laying in wait within the gold chamber, but the rather unnerving rush of his grandfather, heading straight for him, beard aflame.

Thorin was rather disturbed by the fact that, while, for the first time, his grandfather seemed to be in something like his right mind, that right minds first reaction was to push Thorin... supposedly beloved Grandson, headlong into the treasury, while shouting about a dragon.

He looked around nervously, but for a long time he saw no signs of a giant, fire-breathing calamity in the quiet room, there was no screech of metal against scales, no click of claws against rubies, or any other gemstone for that matter, not even the slight crunch of silver being treated like chewing gum.

In fact, it wasn't until a little pile of gold erupted in front of his face, bringing small red wings and holding a tiny body in the air, that Thorin found Smaug the Terrible at all.

Though the pint-sized dragon didn't seem to be flying that far up....

Oh, that was a tail under Thorin's boots.... and an orange swelling inside a red belly.

Oh, it seems to be flames, well crap.

It took a few months of trying various ways to get rid of the small, aggressive dragon guarding a portion of the treasure before it was decided to leave him mostly be.

On the plus side, a flaming beard seemed to have driven most of the gold sickness out of Thror's mind, not all mind you, but there's only so many times you can charge heedlessly at an oddly indestructible, talking, fire-breathing miniature dragon, before you start thinking things through, back in almost his right mind, Thror was once again opening trade with the City of Dale, and to a certain degree, the Greenwood Elves, though this was rather headache inducing at times.

The first discovery that was made, was that as much as Smaug wanted to own the entire treasury, he was far to small to actually guard it, and his flames, while fiery-seeming, where actually about as hot as the average forge, something most Dwarves where more than used to.

This meant, anytime the Dwarves needed something to trade with, a small group of Smiths would come in to distract the long dubbed, "Miniature Menace", while another group would grab what they needed for the day.

For the first few days, Smaug usually ended up following the acquired chest or chests of gold and jewels around, spitting small fireballs and hissing insults in a deceptively deep voice at the Dwarves carrying them, before deciding they weren't worth the long air time and heading back to the main treasury.

Or, on one memorable case, to the rather large wooden crown sitting on a visiting Thranduil's head, to this day, Thorin isn't sure how Thranduil managed to survive getting his entire crown burned to ash, without so much as a singed fringe.

He was, however, pretty sure that the suppressed giggles coming from the Elven King's youngest son was the main reason that now, even years later, Prince Legolas was the main diplomatic visitor from Greenwood to Erebor.

The second discovery, was that, even though he was small LOTS of people wanted to see Smaug, they'd had visitor's from The Blue Mountains, The Iron Hills, and various other Dwarven cities.

And it wasn't just Dwarven visitors, Elves from as far as Rivendall came for a look, as well as Men from both Gondor and Rohan.

They'd even had a few visitors from a small town called Bree.

Which was how the Dwarves of Erebor, now ruled by Thrain, first came to learn about a small race of people called Hobbits.

Most who visited Erebor came to ogle their so called "Pet" Dragon, though how Smaug could be considered anyone's pet, Thorin had no idea, some came in trade, to barter much needed items to the Dwarves in return for a fair amount of gold or Dwarven-Crafted goods, and others came in greed, vainly hoping the Dwarves would spend their fortunes on unneeded trinkets that didn't last.

The Hobbits that were visiting were there to look into testing something far stranger, and if it turned out viable, setting up trade for it.

The Hobbit delegation was coming to test the fertilising capabilities of dragon dung compared to other manures.

Thorin had no idea what The Shirefolk had meant in their missive about the fact that they were sending "A Brandybuck, A Took as well as a Gamgee and A Baggins with a Tookish Streak to keep things in check." But these visitors seemed interesting, at least as far as he could tell by the excited bouncing of both his younger brother and their two nephews, and they were apparently properly sized as well.

With that in mind, Thorin opened the Throne room doors for his first look at Hobbits.

What he got was a view of a small male person, from the looks of it, a gardener trying to separate two scuffling shapes, it wasn't until an exasperated voice bellowed from the gardener's lips, that Thorin noticed the forth member of the little group.

"Mister Bilbo, a little help please?"

It also helped that there was a small plume of fire sprouting from the golden blonde Hobbit's lap, a rarely seen sign that there was a contented Smaug behind that little flame, never seen when he was being handled by someone, before now.

The Hobbit was wielding a small wire brush, his gentle seeming strokes setting sparks up along Smaug's scales, which, now Thorin thought about it, seemed shinier than they'd been for a while, almost gleaming in fact.

The Hobbit looked up from his steady movements.

"Primula don't take such offense at Paladin's words, he's just being protective, Paladin, Primula's relationship with Drogo is none of your business, they're of age and happy together."

It seemed the blonde Hobbit had the respect of more than Erebor's resident mini menace when they both turned to him looking sheepish, though anything they might have said in their defense was interrupted by a sound Thorin had never heard before, it was deep, loud and rumbly.

Thorin backed away from the half hearted hiss of derision that sounded next to the ear he'd been unconsciously tilting towards Mister Baggins.

"Was Smaug Purring?"

Instead of the Hobbit the reply came from a less than pleased source.

"Of course I wasn't Dwarf, I do no such thing."

The dragon then turned back towards the still calm Hobbit.

"Bilbo, my tail, if you please?"

In the interest of keeping his beard intact, Thorin wisely didn't mention how polite, for Smaug, the request had been, nor did he speak up when the clearly NOT purring sound started again.

It was then and there, however, that he decided Erebor HAD to find a way to get the now named Bilbo Baggins to stay in the area, if not the mountain itself.

He was willing to join forces with, Dis, Frerin, Fili, Kili, Dale's newest leader Bard, even Thranduil, if it meant they found some way to make the Hobbit want to call the area home.


	2. 2

The newly crowned Dwarf King Thorin's memories of exactly why the Hobbit had decided to stay mingling with thought's of the former king Thrain's happy retirement party as he stood in front of a small, round door set in a green hill at the foot of the mountain.

In the end, it hadn't been Thorin, his family, Bard, or Legolas, though Thorin was glad he didn't actually have to ask for Thranduil's help to get Bilbo to stay.

The invitation was held firmly in his hand as huge plants grew around him, courtesy of the powerful properties of it's new layer of Dragon Fertiliser that was also being imported to the Shire, Dale's farming community, and most recently some of the villages of Rohan.

What had kept Bilbo in Erebor was never mentioned, unless it was in hushed whispers as far from Smaug's hearing as possible.

Thorin's eyes focused on the now opening door, straying from the small collection of round doors holding a few of the more adventurous Tooks and some Brandybucks that had decided to try out living near Erebor alongside Bilbo.

The Miniature Menace would loudly proclaim to all who asked him, that Bilbo had given into his regal demands and stayed as a companion to his fiery greatness.

Thorin eyed the yowling red pile of scales in Bilbo's arms, marveling at how the Hobbit had managed to open the door, while holding a cranky dragon and a pair of nail clippers.

"Now Smaug, I know you don't like having your claws clipped, but we're going to a party, I don't want you destroying the furniture again.... Ah, is that the invitation?"

"NOO, my majestic spears."

The truth was, On the day Bilbo was due to leave, Smaug had sounded almost exactly as he did now, echoing a plaintive sound he would forever deny as a cry, as would any Dwarf who preferred their beard intact.

With the inclination of his head, Bilbo invited Thorin inside for a quick cup of tea as he clipped yet another claw, this time on Smaug's back foot.

"I ordered Dori's latest blend, Ori recommended it during our latest discussion about Smaug."

Smaug's huffy tone as he interrupted the conversation was kind of funny to hear, because Thorin knew as soon as Smaug had finished sulking about his clipped claws, he'd have forgiven Bilbo for snipping them.

"Ah, now there's a young Dwarf that knows how to respect a dragon and his claws."

"You just like being the centre of attention."

Bilbo stage whispered in Thorin's direction.

"Ori's tendency to sneak him bits of Dori's famous Spicy Goat Jerky also helps."

Smaug's muttered reply of "It's good Jerky." startled a laugh out of both their mouths.

"There you go Smaug, claws are all done."

As Thorin predicted, Smaug went of to lick his proverbial wounds while Bilbo boiled the kettle.

"So I hear Legolas will be visiting in his father's place."

"Yes, that's true, though he might be bringing Tauriel along as a guard."

"Ah, I see you're still a little prickly about Kili's alleged crush?"

Thorin sighed.

"I think it's revenge for mentioning Gimli's slight obsession with arguing with Legolas."

Bilbo laughed as he poured two cups of tea and a small bowl, placing it at the other end of the table before watching as Smaug, still maintaining an air of affronted dignity, delicately lapped up the pale brown liquid.

They finished their tea in silence, before watching a sated Smaug fly his way up to the treasury.

"Lets hope he doesn't conk out at this party like he did the last one."

That said, Thorin handed over a set of pictures from the last feast, which included Smaug drinking out of the mug of visiting Gondorian Steward, Denethor.  
Smaug falling asleep under the scratching fingers of Denethor's youngest son, Boromir, the older brother, rubbing his hand across Faramir's hair.

And Smaug draped across Bilbo's shoulder as he was carried back to the treasury by the almost as tired Hobbit.

"Let's hope he doesn't find all the pictures Ori drew of him, he might get upset."

"He'd just be glad he's the centre of attention still."

Thorin gazed out the window.

"You're probably right."

The End


End file.
